Texas summers will fry you. The heat on any given day could melt candles, even to the point of wearing kitchen oven mitts to touch your steering wheel.
Long ago and so far away….(not really), I was married to a very disturbed woman who almost took my life on so many levels of reality. If I were to spell out all the abuse that occurred in our apartment, not only would you find it hard to believe, but it would not be in this format. After reading my novel, no doubt you would vet a love interest that much more. Oh, please do!
It was a hot one in the Dallas Metroplex the day I took this picture. The forecasts were calling for 101-105F degrees for a good week or two. However, the unbearable heat in the apartment was far beyond the temps outdoors. Literally, as in many times before, I had to physically evacuate the mounting slaughter of my very spirit. Have you been there? I was very unhealthy as I was in rehabilitation recovering from a full-organ shutdown, coma and six weeks in the hospital from February of that year. (That is another event for a future post. Stay tuned.) After walking three-four miles to a hotel, I crashed until the following day where I dreaded the sweltering walk back. Frankly, the hike to and from could have killed me while suffering the condition I was in, but it mattered not. Admittedly so, I feared seeing her drive up after discovering me on the road or at the hotel. That was the current pit I was in.
On the way back to my personal hell the next day, I decided to walk an abandoned railroad track. (You may want to stop reading at this point because what I write next may cause you to reject my story on a dime. However, if you continue reading you will at least understand I believe with every ounce of me that I am laying out the exact events as they happened. You’ve been warned.:) Not hearing an audible voice, I was spoken to in the core of what turns me to the right and the left. The communication was so clear and distinct there was no mistake that I was given a “spirit nudge” that didn’t come from my own imagination. It would be easy to blame the outside articulation as a delusional dehydrated man in ill health suffering heat exhaustion, but in this case I knew better. Not only have I experienced heat exhaustion before, as well as self-consultation along with a writer’s imaginings. Yes, I KNEW and could decipher the vast difference.
These tracks were abandoned long ago years after the expressway was built just half a mile to the west. They were heavily traveled with the line coming from downtown Dallas all the way to Oklahoma and beyond servicing many a passenger with nicely bundled baggage in tow. Yet, there lay the tracks, rusted, laced with weeds, baking in the Texas unforgiving sun. Words, no….rather impressions came to me that I was NOT abandoned as horrific as my circumstances seemed. The One who had nourished my very being from womb onward had/has never abandoned me regardless of my circumstances or even my bad behavior in life. Circumstances by their very nature change. Like the Texas weather, give circumstances a few minutes, hours or days and things will blow eastward away from above your head.
As I walked the long abandoned rails, I was in class. I learned that there will be times you begin to adhere to an idea that God’s promises written in ancient texts may seem rusted, abandoned and full of the weeds and dust of days covering over the truths handed down. Never is it always easy to flush such ideas in the abyss of forgetfulness, but rather a struggle emerges. After conditioning the struggle causes a spiritual numbness seducing even the very faithful. Don’t let anyone tell you this isn’t the fact of faith.
Have you noticed the calendar changes every day? I left the old rusted tracks that afternoon realizing God’s Spirit may seem dormant at times, and late to arrive whatever depot platform you find yourself standing on. However, I, the student, learned once again: He may seem late but He’s always on time. In fact, He awaits your arrival whether you’re on track or off no matter how much baggage you need to check-in. Leaving the train-starved rails that day I can say I found fuel for the race.